December 27th - Lonely, lonely Christmas

So this has been my first official single gal Christmas since my marriage broke up three years ago.  And it really kind of sucked, in many ways.  Even though both my ex-husband and my ex-boyfriend both hated Christmas, bitched about it constantly, and generally killed my Christmas buzz often...I still had someone to celebrate with.  Someone to snuggle up with under the Christmas tree.  Someone to meet under the misteltoe.  I've been ridiculously lonely.  I've been very near to calling the ex and demanding he run over here immediately...very near indeed.  I haven't done it (yet) because I know I will regret it instantly.  But the thought of those wonderful, soft lips...I've never been kissed like that before in my life.  I suspect I never will.  It was just that good.   And more than the sex, I just miss being held.  Jesus,  I sound so pathetic.  I wish I could be one of those people who can just have sex and enjoy it and move on.  But I never have been. And I never will be.  I don't want to have sex without love, and I'm too afraid to be in another relationship.  Quite the conundrum.  Shit.