Okay. So this time, I was not canceled at the last minute. Which is obviously a plus, for me!! We were meant to meet at a bar/restaurant, but about 35 minutes before we were due to meet, he messaged me and asked if I would like him to pick me up. At this point I had poured a glass of wine and was thinking that I would LOVE to have another.....so I texted my friend: "what should I do?" Her response was that I should meet him there in case he had an axe or a rope in his car. I decided to ignore her advice, and I told him he could pick me up but that I would meet him in my driveway. Furthermore, I told him he was not allowed to axe-murder me on the way to the restaurant! I have been chatting and texting with this guy for months, now. We know a lot about each other. And I just thought it would be less horrible and nerve wracking to meet him in my driveway than the have to search for him and awkwardly meet hiim in a bar. Anyhoo...I stand by my choice. So he picked me up promptly at 8:30 and he had a lovely bouquet of long stemmed white roses for me. Very classy. I can't remember at this point if I hugged him, but I think maybe I did. He opened his car door for me, which was smooth, and very appreciated by me. And on the way there he told me how beautiful I looked. Things were looking good!
So we got to the restaurant and had a seat. We began talking easily and before we knew it the waitress had been by three times to see if we had decided yet. Good sign! But then I started randomly picking apart his features. I don't know why I did this. I didn't mean to. It's like I was forced into it by a higher (lower) power! The conversation in my head went something like this? :" Does he have a lazy eye? What is going on there? I can't tell. Don't stare. There is something freaky with his right eye, isn't there? Maybe there isn't. I honestly can't tell! And what's with those ears? They are kind of sticky-outy. But maybe that is just because he shaves his head. And why does he shave his head? He's balding prematurely, isn't he?" etc etc etc None of that was helpful. Or nice. But there it was, in my brain. So I kept drifting in and out of having a nice time with a very nice young man, and stepping back and conversing with myself about what I didn't like. It was very bizarre. When it was time to go, he suggested a specialty coffee, which I agreed to. We were having a nice time, so I figured it was a good call. We ended up talking about his ex and his situation with his daughter quite a bit, which I didn't mind at all, and which I probably instigated a few times. It's something we have discussed before so it was natural for it to come up tonight. But no matter how engaged I became in the conversation, I found myself floating up over my body, commenting on the situation. It was horrible and I couldn't stop it. Is this normal, in any conceivable way? Is this just a part of the dating world? Because I honestly wouldn't know!
So he wouldn't let me pay for anything. Anything. And he wasn't a macho prick about it, he was just sort of chivalrous and just dismissed my offer to pay for things with a laugh. But in a good way. I liked it. Very gentlemanly. On the way home, we discussed how the date was actually less stressful and scary than we had both thought it would be. And as he pulled up to my house, he explained that he was going to walk me to my door, so that I wouldn't think he was trying to come in. Which he didn't, by the way. So he walked me to the door, I thanked him for the night, he said something about wanting to see me again soon, and then we hugged...and I wasn't sure if there would be a kiss or not, but there was. It was a quick sort of peck kiss, but I think it was fitting. Appropriate for a first date. I am not going to lie, I don't love the facial hair on a guy, and my guy has a goatee.....so the moustache part of it was kind of scratchy, so I'm not sure about the lip quality as of yet. I may need him to shave that off for the next kiss so I can know for sure. Just like the song says "It's in his kiss" and I need the kisses to be good before I can continue on with any guy.
So.....I will agree to see him again. Why wouldn't I? And we will just have to go from there. I think the key for me is to stop analyzing so much and to just go with it and try to enjoy myself. I mean this doesn't have to be anything other than a fun time, right? As long as I am honest with this guy, then I think I can proceed in a dating type fashion and see where it takes me. Except....there is no throw down. None at all. And I really expected there to be. I'm very disappointed. I want the throw down feeling. I miss the throw down feeling. Maybe I was just too nervous, or it is just too early to tell? I don't really buy that. I think the throw down is either there, or it isn't. And that is why I am heading to bed, not floating on a cloud, as I should be, but just sort of half shuffling and half smiling. But we will see. Never say never. Watch this space!
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