Fairy tales, especially the Disney variety, set us up for failure at such a young age. My five year old is already so sold on the happily ever after idea, that it scares me. Take Snow White, for example. Her dad marries a horrible skank, who happens to be evil complete with a crazy talking mirror who assures the bitch that she is the bomb at every opportunity, mostly because it is afraid of her. So Snow White's step-mom decides that Snow White should die. Why? Because she is prettier. So the evil bitch hires a guy to take Snow White into the woods and kill her. Except, he can't. Instead he takes pity on her (presumably because she is so damned perfect and lovely) and just tells her to never return. He lies to the wicked Queen, and poor little Snow White is left to wonder alone in the forest. Even though this has happened to her, and she is forced to live with 7 midgets who make her be their slave, Snow White remains so optimistic. She sings about knowing that her prince will come, one day. She is so sure of it. Do we pity her, or envy her? Part of me wants to slap her. Bitch, you narrowly escaped a gruesome death, one that was ordered by your step-mom, and you are cooking and cleaning for a bunch of dwarves, and still, you are chipper? How is this possible?
On the other hand, I can sort of relate to poor Snow White. I can relate because I, too, have been accused of being stupidly optimistic. I have. It's just that I'm finding it increasingly difficult to tap into that, these days. So I got stood up last week. I should be prepared for that, shouldn't I? It shouldn't be that big of a deal. Except that it is. I'm not really sure how to approach this whole dating at the age of 38 thing. It's so complicated. And everyone I meet is bound to have so much baggage and so many skeletons. I know, and accept this, because I have my own share of baggage and skeletons. But I can't help but think that there is a better way to meet someone than through the computer. I just don't know what that is, realistically. I don't.
Then there is Sleeping Beauty. Damn. She sings about her dream man. "I know you, I danced with you once upon a dream." And she holds so tightly to that dream. Again, I feel the urge to slap. But in the end, she gets her prince. Never mind that she was shut away for her entire life, never knowing her actual parents, and then was forced into a coma until the idiot prince could rescue her. How? With a kiss.
I think I prefer Shrek. It still is a happily ever after fairy tale. But at least there are imperfections. They are ogres, for crying out loud. And there is humour. And she didn't marry her prince. She married her ogre. The ogre that was perfect for her. Maybe I need to start looking for the perfect ogre, instead of the perfect guy. Maybe I should put that in my online dating site status?
The guys who have been messaging me lately have once again been sub-par. Too old, too pathetic, too homely. Call me shallow, but I need a physical connection. I do. I feel like deleting the dating site shit and just getting on with my life. After all, I have a plan. A wonderful plan. Two of my best friends and I have decided on a retirement plan which includes the three of us in one fabulous house. We are that sure that we will still be single. Recently, we have been thinking that we should get things going BEFORE we are too old to have fun. Like the Golden Girls, but we are all Blanche. And we are not golden yet. Good plan!!!
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