So I've just had a rather shocking realization. I haven't even THOUGHT about sex in ages. My libido seems to have suddenly dried up. I don't understand it. Please understand, whatever issues my ex may have had, he was a dynamo in the bedroom. And I suddenly found myself, after nearly ten years of a mostly sexless marriage, paired up with a guy who wanted to have sex every single day, at least once, and often three or four times a day. It was the sexual jackpot! Plus, he absolutely knew what he was doing, if you know what I mean. This guy was definitely my sexual lobster. Since the break-up, I've missed him a lot, and I've missed the cuddles and the kissing and the spooning and the company, but I haven't really missed the sex, and I just don't understand why. What has happened to me? Could I be (gasp) past my sexual prime now? I'm horrified.
Perhaps I have been so distracted by emotions that I have just been ignoring that part of me. I hope that is what it is. On the other hand, perhaps a lowered libido would be beneficial to me at this point in my life. I mean, seriously, what prospects do I have? I live in a small city, notorious for being short of single men, and I'm a 37 year old single mom. Plus, I'm terrified of ever letting anyone move in with me again. I worked hard to get my single gal house, which I love...why would I want to risk losing 50% of what I have to some guy if things go wrong?
Even my battery-operated options have been completely ignored. I haven't even had batteries in the rabbit for months. Something is seriously wrong, here. Maybe it is the onset of early menopause? Now THAT would make me even more appetizing to the opposite sex, wouldn't it? Jeez. Now I'm totally depressed.
A stupid 80s love song on the radio got me shedding tears in the car today. "Faithfully" by Journey was on, and I was singing along, and when the line "Oh girl, you stand by me" came up, I just started blubbering. Because I didn't stand by him. I left him. At least, that is what the guilt in me was thinking. In reality, I know that I styaed with him for two years through all kinds of shit, because I wanted things to work and I wanted him to be what I believed he could be. And once that thought hit me, the tears stopped, and I felt okay again. I even finished singing the rest of the song. I do love Journey. If you don't have their greatest hits, I insist you go out and purchase it immediately.
So I am going to finish my little glass of red, watch an episode of Seinfeld, and hit the floor, where I sleep these days due to lower back issues. Sweet dreams.
No comments:
Post a Comment