Day Two: Bursting into Tears Watching Sex and the City

Yeah.  That's what happened to me.  I was sipping a glass of red wine, enjoying  an episode of Sex and the City.  It was the episode where Miranda meets Steve and tries to blow him off because she is too cynical to deal with the fact that he might actually like her.  So when she ran out into the rain to chase him down the street, and told him that maybe she could, in fact, believe that he liked her, and then they kissed ... well, I started to sob.  Out of nowhere.    And I mean REALLY sobbed.  It lasted for nearly ten minutes.  There was snot.  And a lot of mascara.  So now I look like Alice Cooper and I'm not really sure what happened.  Am I missing my ex? Yes, I am. Very much.   But I think it's more than that.  I think I'm scared silly of my future as a single gal.  What if I never again meet someone who I can actually be with.  Or, like Miranda, what if I meet him and by that point I am too cynical and jaded to see it?   What I would kill for right now is someone to spoon me.  And maybe stroke my hair until I fall asleep.  I just feel alone.  Totally alone.   A while ago I fell down the stairs in the middle of the night with my puppy in my arms.  As I lay on the floor wondering if anything was broken, I was struck by the most terrifying thought of my life, thus far:  I could die here and no one would know for at least 24 hours.  I'm all alone here.  There wasn't a phone near me. If something had been broken, or if I had been knocked unconscious, then that would have been it for me.  

I think I'm done blogging for today.  Here is my plan:  I will finish my glass of wine, turn out the lights, roll into a ball, and hope that sleep comes quickly.  Tomorrow needs to be better.  Not bursting into tears would be a plus.  There is no one but my puppy to say goodnight to, so I will  send it out to cyberspace:  "Goodnight, sweet dreams,  and hold on to your significant other like grim death. Otherwise,  like me, you might be facing the possibility of grim death one night when you fall down your stairs and have no one to help you." 

Maybe I should invest in one of those "I've fallen and I can't get up" medic alert thingys.  They are marketed for old people, but maybe I could create a special one for sad singles like myself.  I bet I could make a million!!