Day One: Admitting that I am, in fact, SINGLE

Single.  What a loaded word.  At times we yearn to be just that.  But then, when we get there, it seems somehow pathetic, sad even.  This is exactly where I am now.  Single.   I'm 37.   Did you catch that?  37.  I don't know how that happened to me.  And somehow, I managed to NOT be single for the last  15 years or so.  At least not for more than a few weeks, if that.  And here I am, a single mother, separated, on my way to being divorced (one of these days when I can afford it)  and this is the first time since I was in my early 20s that I have found myself in this situation.  I'm not really sure what is expected of me.  What can I get away with?  What should I be doing?  I mean, sersiously, I'm pushing 40.  My eggs are shrivelling up as I type this.  I can't exactly offer a man children anymore.  Well, not without scientific intervention, or a trip to a foreign adoption agency and ten thousand bucks.

So, I made a decision.  I decided to blog.  I've never blogged before;  in fact, I've never used "blog" as a verb before. I'm not sure why I made this particular decision on this particular evening.  But here I am.  I doubt very much that anyone will even read these words.  But I think the point is just to put the words out there.  Get them out of me.  Into the cosmos.  Or wherever it is that unread blog words go.  The point is, I think it might be therapeutic for me.  And if anyone else DOES read this, then maybe my words, my mistakes, my crazy ramblings, might help someone else.  Or, at the very least, this blog might deter others from following in my path.

I have so very much to blog about.  I think I should begin with the end of my almost ten year marriagel.  But then again, the failed marriage doesn't tax me much these days.  The relationship that has me thrown for a loop at the moment is the relationship that came several months AFTER my marriage ended.  That is the one that has  me doing crazy things like this blog.  But I think I should save that until my next blog.  There is just too much to type, and I am one tired girl.  So if there is anyone out there reading this, I say to you:  I have no idea what is out there for me, or for any single girl over a certain age.  All I can say is, I promise to document it for you once I find out.  Sweet dreams, single people!!